We’ve been traveling with our baby for over 2 months now. At the start we had a few weeks of being in just one house, but recently we’ve been going from state to state, house to house, bed to bed. Oli is napping in cars, shopping carts and his push chair (stroller). His bedtime has varied from 6:30pm to 10pm, and dinner is sometimes a squeezy packet of food if I’m not able to cook something better.
He had been handling this change of pace like a champ, but slowly and surely he’s become needier and needier. No matter where in the world we have been my child has never gone without food or drink, he’s never been left alone or in need. And yet, in this season we can’t walk out of a room without him demanding for us to return to his eyesight. Forget about trying to get him to sleep on his own, his security is dependent on being entwined with us right now.
As what he has known of his world changes he draws closer and closer to Joe and I, clinging to us and refusing to let go. He isn’t satisfied in knowing we are close by, we have to be close enough for him to reach out and touch. Our voice alone doesn’t stop him from feeling unsure, it only causes him to look around frantically for the source.
It’s been convicting to me to watch how my son handles change and uncertainty. He looks for me. If he’s unsure of his surroundings, he’s immediately seeking out the constant in his life; us.
It’s amazing to me (not in a good way!) how many superficial comforts I consider before I reach out to God. Oli’s unwavering intensity in getting to us has me floored. Here I am reaching for a cookie while The Creator is standing with His arms open. To rest my tired mind I switch on a tv show, rather than be with The One who knows what has happened, is happening and will happen next. Oli has his favorite food and toys, but if he’s upset you better believe he’s climbing over them like they mean nothing to get to me. I’m inspired by his love for me.
I’m inspired to remember that God isn’t in my life, He is my life. That He is so much more than I know. That while I picture Him sat waiting for me, He’s actually actively working for my good. He is my greatest comfort, the Source of all that is good in my life, He is in and above every moment. I’m inspired to put down the junk food offering me nothing but false hope, to turn the tv off when it’s just making me more fuzzy, to tune out the pleasant Instagram quotes, and run/crawl/scramble to the only constant I’ve ever known.
I’m committing to let myself be inspired in the middle of being demanded and drawn from. To, in the small moments I get, focus my eyes on true comfort. To act more like my 10 month old. Wanna join me?